The Consciousness of My Mind

By Chiamaka Kanu ’23

Sometimes I do not understand the state of my mind because I don't even know if it exists. They say consciousness surrounds me, but I never know the true me. What defines me? Is it consciousness or the world around me?
You are born straight out of the womb to enter this strange world to discover or see other humans like you. The little things like laughing, squinting, and crying are said to be things done in reaction to something, but is not this reaction formed in the conscious mind? They say you do not know anything due to the small size of your brain, but these little comments and moments create the mind's consciousness.
Eventually, you grow as a toddler and are put straight into school to learn about the world. As you recite A, B, C; 1, 2, and 3, you begin to remember when they spoke to you, all within your mind. You are getting bigger and stronger, but no one can tell how much of your consciousness has grown because there is no estimate. Now, you are gradually becoming audible and looking at the world around you. You glance out the window on a car ride to see what's new. "Oh, that’s a horse; Oh, there are so many cars, 1, 2, 3. " For sure, memories are formed, but your awareness of the mind is diving deeper with every step.
Now that you are a teenager, you officially have a mind of your own! Your accessibility to the world is increasing day by day. You wake up in the morning not to pray but to check the latest updates on social media: "Oh, the latest Savage X Fenty is out! Omg! The queen just died”, while the reality is right in front of you: It is no longer your consciousness that creates the world we live in, but rather the consciousness of others.
The world we live in is strange. You expect nothing to change, but things become different. As I write this, I still wonder if this conscious mind of mine is already prerecorded like the black box in the manifest and everything will happen at the right time, but the truth is, the world is unpredictable. The inevitable will occur. I might never know the exact truth about myself due to consciousness, but I know I’m amazing, I think.