How to Enter the Friendzone, Correctly

By Andrew Pang ’24

The friend zone is a gray area. Similar to being trapped in quicksand, one desperately claws at any signal or sign to escape from the pit, yet doing so only drags one deeper. If getting into this zone is challenging for those that are attractive and athletic, fear not; I will guide you into the depths of this zone. Before we get into the tutorial, fellow travelers will be warned: the depth is not dissimilar to the pits of Tartarus, one enters with hope but leaves tattered and scarred.

Upon reading to this point, an average Joe or Chad might ask: “So why would I want to be in the friend zone? It sounds quite unpleasant.” The answer to that vapid question is Zen. If dating brings joy in unstable jolts, a platonic relationship is a steady stream of carefree exuberance. The tranquility and peace that the friend zone brings are comparable to meditating in the center of a pine forest.
 
Now, entering the zone is easy. Like a water slide, one only needs a gentle nudge to glide down; The process is quick, quick enough that before you realize it, it has already become impractical to climb up the same way. Perhaps you were too anxious to share your fantasy football team, made awkward jokes about League of Legends, or maybe you were being creepy on Snapchat.
 
Ryan Reynolds once said that “the ‘friend zone’ is like the “ penalty box of dating, only you can never get out.” Although containing a certain logic, the previous statement is trumped by Will Whiting’s “embrace the hurt” (this quote was found after a water polo practice with the team listening to “Bad Romance “by Lady Gaga). Instead of rolling over, tucking yourself in a turtle shell and crying; there is wisdom in enjoying something unpleasant and transforming it into a lesson learned.